March something, its a Thursday; I know that much.

Feeling tired but then the world is tired, mother earth is exacting her lesson, some might call it her revenge.

I read the entry in this blog about realizing I would die at age 8 and now, at 65, a virus is making us all think of death, not because most of us will die, but because this thing has changed our lives so rapidly, making us realize that nature is really in control. Never us.

Even those who have money to last for a while are scared because it is worth so much less. The indefiniteness of everything right now seems impossible. And yet it is just that.

This would be worse if it were a virus that killed everyone it infected I suppose. There would be much more fear and hysteria. College kids are still huddling on spring break, ignorant of the impact that might have on others, even if they stay well, which they might not.

When I wrote here about fighting wind turbines a few years ago it was so futile and yet so necessary. Now science is telling us it is exactly this deforestation, this disruption of the gifts of nature in exchange for our human greed, our overconsumption, that is causing this.

I have no profound insights or words here, just a need to say something. The layers of this are way too deep to even truly touch upon.

And so we sit, waiting for the return to what we consider normalcy, rushing, pushing, getting ahead to where and for what? For now we can do none of that.

I wait, as well do, to see.

Jen Reviews- 18 scientifically proven benefits of yoga

I roll over, grab the phone- 4 AM, the usual time.
I gaze out the window to see if it is semi dark, the shortening of the days.
I roll over again, hoping sleep will grab me.
This morning a vision of a man, the dream so clear, the energy so eery.
Gustaf, the kitten that did not come in last night, in the periphery of my dream.
This man incessantly stabbing someone in a bed.
When I reawaken at 5:30 AM it is vivid, all parts remembered.
As I reach to pet my black cat at the foot of the bed, the dream escapes me.
I get up into my time of the day, on rare occasion another may be up.
My job of greeting the day begins; most days it is my time of utter peace,
despite the activity of brewing coffee, making granola or yoga tea, stepping out onto the morning grass to take the compost out, greet the cats, feed the cats,
Sit and breathe the peace of solitude, which I sip in with my morning coffee.IMG_1253




The day had gone along quite well- not as enjoyable a start as walking to my Monday morning gig (yoga class) with a crescent moon smiling down on me in the morning darkness and sweet silent calm of New York City not yet awake. Today, at an equally early hour, the subway had arrived easily , the change station equally timely, always a factor of unknown consideration. After the 6:45 am class I walked into the bright chillness of a windy day, colder than usual for March but beautiful all the same, my wild goose chase errand of the day taking me to the Federal Plaza thirty first floor, only to come off the elevator to hallways full of locked office doors. I knocked on one, luckily a kind man answered, only to be sent to the nearby 290 Broadway, now my 3rd building in the chase that had begun the day before on William Street. Waiting on line in the cold I opted to sit for two hours in the warm waiting room after I finally got in the building, observing the Indian child staring gleefully into my eyes at it hung on its mother’s shoulder in front of me and the African American woman with a butterfly tattoo on her neck and a green sweater with black cats etched on it ( a woman after my own heart as I have butterfly symbols everywhere in my apartment and three cats, two which are black). I left a few numbers short of my number being called in the unpredictable wait. I wanted to make  a noon yoga class with beloved Dharmamittra, his classes my NYC escape of the day, a training ground for me since 1999. The time passed quickly, challenged and enlivened and leaving behind the smell of the homeless person that made me nauseous on the subway that took me to his class (they have been so bad of late and so many).

As I approached my building now, hungrily anticipating the kale and blueberry salad with walnuts and sunflower seeds I would make for lunch, I noticed a man come to the door behind me as it closed, already a signal not to respond, yet I did. He looked like an average guy, so average I doubt I would recognize him if I saw him again. I thought for some reason he might be trying to see someone in the building- stupid as that is what buzzers are for in secure buildings. Excitedly he explained that his kids were in a car on the next block (why did he not bring them along? he said the restaurant was watching them). He needed $32 to get gas from the nearby station and return the container afterward. That number hit me as a red flag for some reason but continue to engage I did. He gave me his “keys”, took my number and said he would return in twenty minutes. If I had time to think it through- return with what? My $40? Twenty minutes passed. I had been had. Scammer; I felt stupid but at the same time protected. He could have grabbed my wallet, had a weapon, been deranged like the smelly subway dweller. He did not luckily have any crucial information- only my business card, address and $40.

In the end I felt lucky. My day still hadn’t been all that bad.

It could have gone quite differently when I opened that door.

This is the first time I am subbing at the United Nations- when I am not in Maine at Sewall House I freelance around New York City, which ties me often to new and interesting environs- ( I will be there all of January on WED 1:15)

The concepts below are about how we can transform our energy and was sent by the person who runs the program

sweet simple and to the point for the New Year-

Volatility would yield to Vision

Uncertainty to understanding

Complexity to Clarity

Ambiguity to Agility

Let’s see if we can do this in 2105! Keep up the inner work on ourselves to help the outer world be a better place!

Artwork by Kerin Bowen who attended my ST BART church donation class DEC 30 in NYC- see the actual photo she based it on on my homepage at

love it so much it is going to be my new business card for NY teaching! (with Sewall House logo on back!)IMG_2035IMG_2028

I am recovering from a cold, the kind of cold I might have gotten from  sitting outside last Sunday night and Monday noon at the same great little restaurant the Butcher’s Daughter, on Kenmare, that I had boycotted a few years back for terrible service. I never even tasted their yummy menu- the service was that slow. I am susceptible to drafts, that is what the vedic astrologer from LA affirmed when he did my chart recently via Skype (Jesse Gordon if you want to get a session with him).

Anyway, someone from my remote past who I knew through “hanging out” at Summer Solstice in New Mexico in the early 90’s was in town and after app studies ( I told him I am not an app person, how out-dated) and closed places we wanted to go on a Sunday night we ended up at Butcher’s Daughter, had a great young waiter from Serbia who told me how the owner had changed the staff to one that cared, he obviously did, and my old friend got me to try this place, which I might not have ever revisited without his persuasion. So you see things change. The service was great for lunch the next day too- and this time I even met the owner, who said he got more involved a year ago- and that showed! Showing up helps.

So the draft may have done it, the people sneezing and coughing on me on the trains, but I rather think, as a yogi, that Louise Hay is right and that mental confusion and a need to cry can cause a cold.

The vedic astrologer also told me I am going through and 7 and 1/2 year “phase” ( well a kind of hell- 2 more years to go yippee) and so, like the service at the restaurant, my life has changed. I am going through one of those life changes you would not wish on your worst enemy- and one that surprises many people, myself included. I am going through a brutal divorce from the person I thought was not only my life partner, but the person who had been my partner in the yoga vision of healing I had started at Sewall House before he came on board and we fell in love, calling it GOD that created this complementary union. Without blame to me or him,  let’s say that was true for a good while and has now come to a painful end, not easily and not swiftly. I am not in this other person’s shoes, heart or mind so I cannot say or figure out what happens- only that it does, that the Buddhists were right that the one constant is change and NEVER assume you know what is going on in someone’s life from the outside or even if you know them pretty well. ( or think you do ).

Life throws us curveballs, some of them very slow and painful, some fast and stinging, some wonderfully joyful and happily unexpected.  I have always been a seeker and searcher, which is why I am sure Kundalini Yoga appealed to me 30 years ago and why the vedic astrologer said it was good I found a spiritual path and teacher- Yogi Bhajan. I still haven’t found the answers, like that classic rock song I heard recently ” I still haven’t found what I am looking for.”  I have decided I may not be looking for anything really, just the experiences and the feelings and the challenge of meeting life with strength and vulnerability…and oh the astrologer , it turns out was at Solstice the year I went with my husband in 2007, years after I met my friend there in the early 90’s and ‘hung out”.  The yoga world and life really can come full circle. I am waiting for it. And my cold is getting better.


October 2020

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